Top 10 Videogame Wimps
Videogames have seen no shortage of gallant warriors, patriotic knuckleheads and white knights with an unflinching willingness to put their life on the line. And then there are the other guys. Those that turn away at the first sign of trouble; who recoil at the cacophony of war; who can’t take a slap without crumbling into a fit of tears. You’d feel sorry for this band of wimps, if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re so pathetic. Here’s the Top 10 Videogame Wimps…
Game: Pokémon Red/Blue/Green
By anyone’s standards, this aquatic vertebrate would be considered the booby prize of any backwater carnival game. Nevertheless, it became a must-have for any Pokedex purely because it evolves into the infinitely superior Gyarados at level twenty. Until then, Magikarp flops hopelessly with its zero-damage Splash move until it slithers back inside its Pokeball. It remains a pathetic excuse for a Pokemon that, if we had our way, would be flushed straight down the toilet at the earliest opportunity.
9. Iron Golem
Game: Dark Souls
Among Dark Souls bloodcurdling rogues gallery, you wont find an enemy more physically imposing than the Iron Golem. Standing ominously at the very peak of Sen’s Fortress, players approaching this giant metallic monster anxiously prepare themselves for a battle that’s sure to be of gargantuan proportions. Well, guess again. A few swift jabs to the goliath’s ankles and the rusty rascal crashes down to the ground like a deck of cards. Players send this guy back to the scrapheap in a matter of minutes, proclaiming him as Dark Soul’s biggest weener.
Game: Spider-Man 2
Residing on the lower echelons of Spider-Man’s colourful Most Wanted list, Mysterio is the least intimidating of criminal stinking up the streets of the Big Apple. Nevertheless, Peter Parker’s alter ego finds the illusionist during some petty dime-store bust in sunny Manhattan. Ever the showman, Mysterio makes a commanding entrance, declaring his ultimate strength as his health meter soars preceding the battle, suggesting another tough fistfight between Spidey and another colourful villain. One punch to the face later and Quentin Beck collapses to the floor whimpering. Nice work fishbowl head.